farters have to be the big spoon...
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
We need to get me chipped asap
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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