So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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