Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
