dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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