Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
