Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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