There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
