Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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