i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i may or may not be watching the land before time
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
