no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
