What a fucking waste of an outfit
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
