he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
