I can't watch pbs sober anymore
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
