Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I think I won the penis lottery.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
