i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
