I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
