About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
