How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
