Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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