i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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