Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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