had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
