yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
do herpes really smell.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
We are two peas in an std pod
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
