finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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