fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
