the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
There r osticjed everywhere
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
