I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
i think my cat just said my name.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
