Moan for me like Helen Keller
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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