i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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