saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Enjoy the penises
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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