I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
