and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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