ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
