is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
