maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
