I hate your face
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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