I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Liz is crying about burritos again.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
