I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
