Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
