I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
