one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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