It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
