The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
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