May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
