So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
