So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
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