The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I forgot wine drunk hurts
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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