I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Randomize
