You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
