how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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