someone threw a dead crab at me
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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