Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
