xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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