SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
