it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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